


Selfish

by Mishalocked24



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Coda, Episode: s14e08 Byzantium, Light Angst, M/M, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-08
Updated: 2018-12-08
Packaged: 2019-09-14 09:40:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16910547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mishalocked24/pseuds/Mishalocked24
Summary: Just a coda of s14e08From the story:“I love you."That’s it.





	Selfish

When Cas sees his jaw clenched and his fists tightened along his sides, he sighs and passes a hand over his eyes in discomfort.

Dean stands in front of him, his _honest_ green irises fixed on his face and his lips stretched in a thin firm line.

_He’s never been more fragile and beautiful in front of Cas’ eyes._

"There's something I should have said before." Dean starts, taking a step and reaching him, gulping steadily to swallow the lump that seems to be stuck in his throat.

"Don't." Cas’ voice is harsh in his ears and Dean’s eyes flicker across the room, losing their certainty and stability.

"Cas-"

Castiel smiles bitterly and smooths out an invisible wrinkle on his trenchcoat.

"Don't do this to me, Dean.” His tone is low and afraid, he pushes the sounds one after one outside his mouth. “Don’t do this to me _now_."

He pleads him and shakes his head in resignation when he hears Dean’s next words.

"After everything we've been through, don't you think that-"

"No."

Dean passes a hand on his neck and takes a step forward, encaging his wrist between his fingers.

"Why?"

"Dean, please."

"I can't give up on you, Cas. I just can't." His voice is verging on the desperation and Cas can clearly see the way he’s breaking him.

"We're half of one soul, you know? All those crappy rom-com Sammy loves to watch on tv, they're kinda us." His eyes suddenly become shiny and Castiel has never hated himself more in his entire existence.

"What I'm trying to say here, man... I-“ Castiel puts his hand on Dean’s, trying to stop him.

"We could be better together. You and I.” he looks at him, pleading him with his eyes. “It could work. I’m tired of losing people, Cas. We deserve to be happy for one fucking time. I want to be selfish. This time _I want to_ be selfish."

And it's in that exact moment that Castiel suddenly understands that his life is about to falling apart.

“I love you."

_That’s it._

"I hope you'll forgive me one day, Dean. I really do hope it." Cas sighs and prays to a God he should’ve served, instead of betraying everything he’s ever been taught.

"There's been a time, you know, when I thought we could be happy. When I thought 'this is it, this is what my life was always meant to be. Me, Sam and Dean. The Winchester Family.'” He’s really breaking him, yet he has to continue.

_He has to._

“I thought that I had found my place in the world, a place _to belong to-_ "

"Cas-"

He stops him, raising one hand.

"Yet something always seemed to miss. Something _always_ missed. And missed. And missed."

"Why are you saying this?"

His voice is a whimper and Castiel knows that everything will never be the same.

_Never again._

"I'm sorry, Dean."

"Please."

It’s over.

_Everything is just over._

"I'm just... sorry."

The door closes behind Castiel's back and when Dean sits on his bed, gulping steadily, trying to swallow the lump in his throat, he doesn't see the single tear that streams down Castiel's cheek.  
  
  
The Empty wasn’t right.

His worst fate wasn’t being dragged away during one of the happiest moment of his life.

His worst fate would’ve been living with the knowledge that he broke Dean Winchester for the rest of his days.

“Take me away, please. Take me away.”

Castiel’s words are just meaningless sounds in the wind.

 

_The Empty just laughs while Castiel cries himself hoarse._


End file.
